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Thread: New fun jokes part 17

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    Default New fun jokes part 17



    Hi all. It’s time to kick off the summer with the 17th chapter of this fun thread. However, I want to start with some great “Golden Oldies” from 5 years ago in the archives, for those of you that may have missed them, and also the newer members.

    Equal Pay:
    A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
    The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
    The mechanic shouted across the garage; "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
    The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you
    and I are doing basically the same work?"
    The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running."

    Thoughts About Getting Older:
    1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old.."
    2. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
    3. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
    4. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.


    Here are a couple from the zany humor of forum member TILLIBOBS (Keith)

    The Newspaper Listing:
    I put an AD in the local paper " Wife Wanted ". I got 100 replies the next day.
    They all said the same thing....." Please take mine."

    The Plans:
    My wife asked;" What are you doing today? "
    " Nothing much; "I replied."
    “You did that yesterday"; she said.
    " Well. I didn't quite finish doing it. "


    And here is one in honor of, and from, our late great Super Moderator BobDob (Bob), whom we all miss:

    Welcome Home:
    An older gentleman was recently stopped by the police around
    2 a.m., and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
    He replied; "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse,
    smoking, and late hours, and their effects on the human body.
    The officer asked; "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this
    time of night?"
    He replied; "That would be my wife."

    I hope that all of you enjoy these, and have a great weekend everybody.
    Last edited by Makuser; 06-09-2018 at 01:50 AM. Reason: Typo
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  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Makuser For This Useful Post:

    bladekeeper (06-09-2018),dagadget (06-09-2018),ic_1101 (06-09-2018),j.gardavsky (06-09-2018),jimminCT (06-14-2018)

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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    Properly collimated cornea-lens-vitreous optical apparatus, projecting on retinal sensor slightly limited by deuteranomaly, feeding through stock optic nerves into functional primary cortex, processed through frequently misfiring and buggy integrative cortex.
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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    Quote Originally Posted by rocdoc View Post
    LOL serious problems can be fun too
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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    From the comedian Steven Wright:

    When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

    I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people who live above me are furious.

    I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

    On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".
    Jim



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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
    Bryan

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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    So a Koala walks into a restaurant. He sits down and orders his meal. He waits patiently and consumes his dinner slowly. He pays for his meal, and when the waiter returns with his change he shoots the waiter and walks out of the diner.

    He's promptly arrested by the local constabulary and is interrogated as to why he shot the waiter.

    "Simple" he says. "Read the dictionary".

    "Koala - eats shoots and leaves"
    "To be good is not enough when you dream of being great"


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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    I read that book.
    John (Urban Astronomer)
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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    Quote Originally Posted by Lowjiber View Post
    I read that book.
    Did you enjoy it? I heard the ending was too predictable....
    Makuser and sketrip like this.

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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    Two galaxies walk into a bar. The young, regular spiral galaxy and the mature, barred spiral both order a drink. But the bartender only gives a drink to the barred spiral galaxy. The regular spiral galaxy says, “Hey, why didn’t I get my drink?” The bartender replies, “You’re too young, plus we don’t serve your type!"
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    Default Re: New fun jokes part 17

    Quote Originally Posted by not_Fritz_Argelander View Post
    Did you enjoy it? I heard the ending was too predictable....
    Yes, the ending was quite predictable. However, as one can tell from many of my posts, I've always been a huge fan of the Oxford Comma. The author's penchant for them made the book far more enjoyable than one might expect.

    Clear, Warm, and Dark Skies (Wink)
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